I have struggled with OCD for as long as I can remember, and I have always felt the need to control everything. Light switches facing the same way, coughing a set number of times, balancing actions on both sides. Even now, I avoid certain numbers, fearing it could harm me or someone I love. It has always felt like my actions control my destiny, adding to my anxiety. I know this sounds crazy to anyone who has not experienced OCD.

Painting the droopy flowers was different. I had no control over where the paint bled. Strangely, it felt freeing, like I was just handing everything over to God. In return, He gave me something beautiful. The piece itself and the rare feeling of peace.

The pokes were the opposite. I felt completely in control. While preparing for this show, I reminded myself that God is ultimately in control of everything. Then a thought crept in: But I'm in control of this piece. Not even a minute later, I poked the wrong section-something that I have never done before. One mistake led to another, then to another, a clear reminder that I was never really in control. have struggled with OCD for as long as I can remember, and I have always felt the need to control everything. Light switches facing the same way, coughing a set number of times, balancing actions on both sides. Even now, I avoid certain numbers, fearing it could harm me or someone I love. It has always felt like my actions control my destiny, adding to my anxiety. I know this sounds crazy to anyone who has not experienced OCD.